Date Night

When we are single, we date others to find a potential partner. Then when we find the one we are going to call partner, we don’t need to date anymore, right? Wrong!! A healthy relationship depends on healthy communication and quality time spent together. It is a common phenomenon that couples get married and have children and when the children grow up and “leave the nest”, the couple that started all of this look across the table at each other and wonder who they are looking at. Raising kids is a big job. But so is a healthy relationship. Making time for the one that you love makes them feel heard, understood, and loved. It also reminds them that they are important to you. So Date Night is more critical with your partner than with your potential partner.

Just what is Date Night? The critical part of Date Night is the communication. It is sharing thoughts, feelings and ideas with each other that the typical hectic life we lead does not always allow us to do. Date Night can include a movie, a play, a concert, or anything else we need to sit quietly through, so long as it also includes discussion time before or after. Date Night also has no real budget. It can be a special occasion for which we pull out all the stops or it can be a picnic in the garage. Once again it is about the quality time spent together and the communication that occurs.

It’s important to note that for parents, conversation about the kids is strictly off limits. Conversation about the kids is for Parents Night, not Date Night.

It is also important that both parties have plenty of time to speak. Nobody enjoys a date when one person does all of the talking. If you need help getting your Date Night routine started, come see me.

What are your thoughts about Date Night?

Rosemary Behrens, Ph.D. Family Counselor

Weakest Link

As the saying goes, a chain is only as strong as its weakest link.

It is also true that a family is only as strong as its weakest dyad. A dyad is a relationship between two people. So a family of four has six dyads. Mom to and from Dad (1), Dad to and from each kid (2), Mom to and from each kid (2) and of course older kid to and from younger kid (2). So you can see the more members of the family the larger the number of dyads.

When all of the dyads are healthy, the family is highly likely to be healthy overall. When even one link is not healthy it can serve to weaken the whole family. Think about it, can you recall a family where two siblings did not get along and it colored the dynamics in the rest of the family? Some members of the family changing their behavior to appease one or both of the two that are not getting along. Or families that look like the one in the picture about and each parent has a favorite child?

Family counseling can help identify the weak dyads, the possible reasons the dyads are weak, and assist the entire family in making the family system (the chain) strong again. Keeping balance in the family is not easy. We can work with you to help strengthen the dyads that will make your family strong.

Rosemary Behrens, Ph.D. Family Counselor

Crazy Love: The Signs of Domestic Abuse

Sometimes stress on the family can change from discord to abuse.

Domestic abuse comes in many varieties and is not restricted to socioeconomic level, age or culture. Nor is it restricted to physical abuse. Before we can assist victims of domestic abuse we must first gain an understanding of the ways that abuse happens, many of which do not leave visible scars. When we can gain a better understanding of the different types of abuse, the cyclical nature of abuse and productive ways to assist the abused, we can better identify when loved ones are in the midst of abusive situations and help them emerge on the other side. What the abuse victim needs most is love and care and an outlet to share their struggles. What they do not need is a savior to swoop in and save the day. Abuse comes in many forms besides physical abuse. Verbal abuse, emotional abuse, social abuse, cultural abuse, sexual abuse, using the kids for abuse are but a few of the ways that abuse can happen without leaving visible scars to prove the abuse.

How Can Family Counseling Benefit You

Family life is not always the very same for most individuals. Each and every family is different and subsequently doesn’t share the same issues at the same time. A few may be experiencing problems with their children while the others may be rejoicing in a harmonious relationship with most family members. For families that are extra challenged, family counseling will probably be the most expedient, grief-saving choice as compared to the emotional trauma that results when counseling is not sought.

Regardless of the issues families are dealing with in life, the parents need to handle matters in the best way they can. They are responsible for ensuring that their children have a good relationship with their siblings and are likewise respectful of their father and mother. Their primary focus should be maintaining accord within the family moving on.

But in some cases, things can go out of control no matter how parents take care of their relationships. Those who work and are often not at home can encounter behavioral problems with their kids. And then, there’s also sibling competition that they have to deal with. The tension these issues bring can sometimes be so great that a mother or father find themselves in a helpless situation.

But this shouldn’t be so because there’s help at hand. Whatever issue you have, you can always approach family and marriage counselors to obtain professional advice on how you can solve your problems.

Family counseling covers all types of difficulties experienced by parents and their children. These can range from problems on communication, balancing household and work responsibilities, misbehavior at home and in school to childhood traumas, conflicts among siblings, family violence, alcoholism, substance abuse and parenting issues.

Counselors exist to assist couples and their families enhance their relationships with each other. They work in different settings but most provide professional services that include assessment and diagnosis, counseling for individuals, couples and families, education programs for parents and crisis management among others.

Parents, however, need to know that they can seek professional advice from counselors any time they feel like it. Instead of waiting for the problem to worsen, the best way is to ask for help when you feel that no immediate solution is in sight. A common mistake made by parents is they make counseling as the last option. What normally occurs is they opt for counseling merely when family members have actually been hurt emotionally or have been traumatized by the problems in the home.

Rosemary Behrens PhD, Family Counselor